The problem of perfectionism

Perfection is an addiction, which means that we are repeatedly unable to stop our perfection activities. Like other addictions, perfection effects change in severity and can have negative consequences. It harms our self-esteem, makes us unable to accept other people and their misunderstandings and faults, and it can rob us of them for a while. We insist that things look or are done in a certain "right" way according to our perfection standards. Some perfectionists try to perfect their body through repeated action or athleticism to injury. Serious perfectionism has also been associated with anorexia, depression and even suicide.

Perfectionists are chasing deception that is only in their minds. To say perfectionists that they look good or that their home or project is great is nothing. Their image of how things should be carries little relation to reality. They will continue to find defects and find it difficult to take pleasure in the praise or satisfaction of their efforts. Perfectionists expect what is humanly impossible. Here we do not take ourselves or our own humanity. Independent Authentication is a foreign concept. The thought of being average is scary and would mean being inferior, what they fear, but also what they really believe. They never feel well enough and live with a strong inner judge who tyrannizes them by the way they should work, what they should have done differently or should do what they are not. They are vulnerable to criticism, because it reflects the doubts of perfectionists about themselves and their work. Negative feedback from any overshadows positive feedback they get. Dreading criticism, some perfectionists hide their mistakes and only take credit for the positive they do.

Their behavior reflects shame – do not feel good like a person in some way, such as appearance, personality, physical activity or intelligence. They unconsciously imagine achieving perfection would allow them to respect. This adds to the profound shame about which perfectionists are generally ignorant.

Because perfection is a relative and a delusion, a perfectionist is always pursuing it. Here, a perfectionist is constantly failing and unable to benefit from their efforts. When success is achieved, the pride of success is only fun fun, if at all, because there is always a flaw or a higher bar to carry. For example, satisfaction from getting "A" on an exam may be damaged if they made mistakes or teacher remarks were anything but free. When Matthew McConaughey won a great coveted Oscar for Best Actor, he fully declared his perfectionism as always pursuing his own self and knowing that he will never reach. He proudly declared: "My hero is always 10 years away … to continue chasing." In fact, perfectionists are constantly drifting away from their inner critics and pursuing their imaginary ideal provides ongoing ammunition for self-criticism. This is the perfectionists & # 39; trap. Their sham defense solution creates more of it.

Seed shame and perfectionism lie in youth and are common signs of coding. Parents who are unsightly, direct, abusive, punishable or unpredictable can create a lack and doubt in their children. Children imagine that if they perform flawlessly or are perfectly good, they will be approved or their parents will not claim that Mum will be happy or Dad will not drink. Other parents encourage perfection by pushing their children to accomplish, achieve unrealistic goals, or only accept them on the basis of their performance. Even bright children, as well as adult adult educators, stop or avoid learning new things to avoid feeling like a failure in the learning process when mistakes are inevitable. Parents should cause their children to make mistakes when making mistakes.

Perfectionists fear to explain mistakes or bad or inferior results or looks. A few decades ago, the patch of my living room wall had to be loose due to earthquake damage. (I live in California, so this literally goes with the territory.) The cigarette did its best to match the rest of the wall, but the original patch had a vibrant, black texture and a new patch didn't fit. Probably no one else would have noticed, but I did. It wasn't perfect, and I was frustrated. It occurred to me that fixing my plaster symbolized my concerns about describing my own imperfections. With this awareness, I was able to let it go.

As with any addiction, changing habits and coercive behavior is not always easy. But it is perfectly capable of high standards and realistic goals without forcing, driving quality perfection and without destructive side effects. My Book 10 Steps to Confidence gives you simple steps to increase your self-esteem and self-determination. Look at my upcoming book of perfectionism.

© Darlene Lancer, 2014


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