We've all had our "stories" to tell about our growing lives. Some have enjoyed loving childhood as they had their home mum, who had homemade cookies ready for them as they walked in from school, ready the clothes ready for the day, and had dinner on the stove. Dads came home, everyone sat at the table and used a delicious meal that Mom had prepared, and then the children were telling their dad the other day when they were cleaned. Some had parents who encouraged them, helped them with their homework after dinner, and spent time with their children the next day. You know, one of those "Leave It to Beaver" type of families. Then, those who were my only parents for one reason or another … were usually divorce or death. Or what about those who were living with alcohol or drugs parents who were not really "parents" at all. The kids were basically on their own, raising themselves, defeating themselves and making the most of bad situations.
I don't know why I'm sharing this now. I just feel sorry to let someone out there know you're not alone! That you can live a normal life. I have been molested by 4 different men aged 8-14. But, the Lord God Himself, led me through all this. I have been redeemed and washed by the Lord's blood. I no longer need to live in my molestation that takes more responsibility for me.
I was one of those kids who had my own "unique" circumstances when I was growing up. My parents divorced me when I was 7, because my dad moved out when I was 5. I was the oldest of our three. We moved to small towns to live closer to my grandmothers, my parents' parents. We moved from the larger Metropolis Denver, CO, to the small town of Julesburg, CO. First, when I was younger, I made my friend's lifetime with the girl who lived on the street from my grandfather and # 39; s house. This was the summer before our 2nd grade school year. In our time, our lives seemed somewhat "normal" to play children, or pretend to be teachers at school or to build antennas …
But in my lifetime, many things happened that made me as I am today. I can't start telling you what my life was and doing it justice! There are so many more stories I could tell you! For one, we moved and lived in 27 different places since I was 7-18. I went to 11 schools at the age of 12. I think what happens to us so often, I meditate on the idea that "I can make friends better soon, because we are sure we move and I have to go." I believe my sister taught that "why you are making friends because we were moving anyway." And my brother, well being a boy, holding a friend wasn't so big in a contract, and he made friends pretty easy, but it wasn't as much a matter for him as it was for us girls.
When I was 8, my mom started dying a Japanese farmer in our area, soon to be hired, with the surname Kinoshita. As you can imagine, our 3 kids made a fun of that name at that time by deliberately saying it, Kin-O-Shit-A. Mean, weren't we? Well, this is the first time I think I'm sexually abusive. After dinner, my mom would go to the kitchen to wash dishes in her house and 3 of our children and her boyfriend lying on the floor watching TV. Well, her pernicious, would use this time to "rub my stomach." Now I was 8 years old, so I had to rip my bathroom after dinner, seemed very odd to me, but I thought okay, I suppose this is normal? It made me uncomfortable, but my mom said he was just trying to be good. Okay, so nice it was … I guess ?? But then they got the bread, turned into "roaming fingers" and climbed a little higher and a little higher. Soon my rubbing will be breast protection. Imagine now, I had hardly begun to develop, but still had enough that made me incredibly uncomfortable! My mom had said she really wanted this marriage because he was financially well away, and so I was about to leave home so I didn't have to lie on the floor and watch TV, but somehow he kept me in and my mom had told us several times that she didn't want this relationship to be offered to our children. Then I thought the mouth lid, until one day, on my way home from school, I let everything out for my friend. She went home and talked to her mother. I didn't know what they were talking about, because her parents felt only Spanish, so I didn't think much about it. However, her mom, having heard what was going on, assured me that they were there for me and that this was something I needed to talk to my mom about right away. So with my friend and mom sitting there, I called my mom and told her what had happened. I don't know much about how my mom and her new fiance were actually told, but I know she broke up with him. However, my friend's mother said he was a police officer but her mom said it was pointless to call the police because "he was so rich that he could have the town, so no one would believe you anyway. you, "she said. So life continued as "normal". Okay, normal as normal.
Then my mom met a younger boy who might come over in the morning and stay with us when she started working at. 6:00 am in the truck and left at 6:00 am to work the evening switch there, and would stay with our three children for the day, as our "babysitter". Oh, he was fun, would make us breakfast, take us to school or in the park to play on the playground and chase us around the house and play punch monsters. But when he first came home to the house this morning, instead of climbing into my mom's bed to sleep for a while, he would climb to bed with me. Why? Well, they were "roaming" again. From that time on, these fingers went up and down. I was 9, and he was 21. What did I have in this age so enticing? I hadn't even begun to physically develop yet for good reasons !!! This usually went on for a few weeks. I told my mom, but she thought that having been through this with her captain, I needed something I did to encourage these guys. "So, even though he stopped watching us, I remember he was dead. I did. I couldn't help me. I just wanted him dead so he could never do something like that again! A few months later, while He was working at the electric company, and his partner decided to start drinking a little beer at lunch, well, Curtis had climbed the rod to work on certain wires that caused the trouble and was the battery. have drunk, was not practical enough to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, I knew it was all I did! I had waited and asked him to die, and he had. You see, it was all my fault … I would have liked it and prayed for it. I just knew it was my fault. I argued for guilt for many, many years afterwards. Someone was dead and it was all to be taught
In fact, we had family friends who had been friends with him and his wife for many years, and we usually love to go over to his house. She was like a mother to our children and we could persuade his husband to play games with us, read stories, etc. You should have heard him read one of the Dr Seuss books again! It was a riot! And it was the tongue thread to read from the front back, let alone read it back to the front! And we used to love playing it for big Macs at Burger King! So, needless to say, we would often go home to them. Usually, however, I got a big bed with his wife because we always went to sleep much earlier than he did and he hit the couch when we were or on the slopes of the bedroom. His wife would usually send me in to wake him up when it was time for us to come up each morning. That's when these famous "roaming" would start roaming again. I was between 10 and 12 at most times. But, without telling my mom, (remember how she had decided the last time I should be enticing these "men") that it was enough, there must be something about me, and once again I was teach.
We were quickly back as we had done many times before, and we didn't see them as often as we had before. It was at the beginning of our 8th grade, so I was in one school there in Jr. High, and suddenly went to CO and went on a good day. My mom had broken up with a trucker guy she was dating, a real candy guy who used to put candles in the ring in our basement and call on the spirits from the Mojave dessert. So we packed up as soon as we got home from school that day, only took our very important belongings (and I mean very few), and our cats and loaded up the little U-haul trailer and some of us started out with no where exactly in mind. My mother suggested IA, so we went west. We ended up in Council Bluffs and out of money. So, this is where we decided to stay.
Of course, we have changed school again, at least and we started another school in Council Bluffs, but we made one room cabin with 2 double beds, one bathroom, a crock pot for cooking and three cats. We started at one school, but were "poor kids" and didn't fit well. But again, we moved. This time it was good. I started in 9th grade, but on a different school. This school was much better, much more acceptable, far less judicial and important, and we were not rated "low school" here.
Finally I was 14 at this time. Last year before I got to school. I was so excited! I was finally growing up, started wearing makeup, fixing my hair and thinking about the big "B" word … BOYS !!! We were living in a house near the school, so it was within walking distance. My mom was working at one of the nearby cars. But the money was dense, so my mom bought a car driver home to live with us to pay the bills. Well, this guy was 28. My mum worked all night on the truck and Terry would be home most nights and on days running mostly. Well Terry immediately noticed me. Imagine I was just 14 years old. My sister and I shared a bedroom, my brother had one left of us and over the room was a Sue room (girl / lady in early 20s from Indiana), someone Terry had found herself walking one day on her trip outside town and came home to us to stay with us too. Then there was one person to pay the bills. But to get to the bathroom we had to walk through a little corridor and we had to go through the Sue room to get there. Then to the left was a bathroom, and then to the right was the Terry bedroom. My mom was on the hill. Between the bathroom and Terry's bedroom was another door. The door locked from the Terry side of the room, but not from its room into the bathroom. Well in the evening, when Terry thought all our kids were sleeping in bed, he would come into my room, and once again, after night, these famous "roaming" boys of another boy were starting to travel. He would come in with a condom, already ready for what I think he was expecting. He would ask me to put something "sexy". I didn't have anything "sexy" because I was 14 and "sexy" wasn't something I was thinking about at this point in my life. Heck, just getting my taste to look good this morning and curling my hair for school was like "sexy" as it was. His fingers pointed out places I didn't know existed. I used to pray, "Please sir, let him think I'm really sleeping and going tonight." Or I ask, "Please, sir, let my sister wake up so that she will make enough noise or something he goes away and leave me alone." He never came to the stage where we were actually forced to have a lasting sex on me, but at night we went through this ritual. The night after night, he wanted to go back to his room, and I would cry badly to sleep. Tonight, I wanted my sister to just wake up, just this once. But she never seemed, or thought, until many years later when I found out she said she was afraid to let us know she was awakened because she was afraid he would come to him next time. I can't blame her for that. I wish I could even stop him, but that was not the case.
Well one day, Sue had asked me to take a walk with her to speak. So I did. She started telling me that Terry would come into her room almost every night and do these "things" for her, ask her to "put on something" sexy, "and" roam his fingers "would start roaming with her also … came out … I freed what he had been doing to me, too, enticing kids like this. "I teach again. Well Sue, knowing how young I was, ended up telling my mom after all. so much that he couldn't stand wanting to love me. "Well, my mom told him to pack up and get out of our house. We went to my friend's house for a few days while he was out and because they were single vacation and had someone sit and take care of their pets. So we were there 3 nights and 4 days. going back to "normal" again. Sue and I found so much peace to have him gone. Then one day, about a week later, my mom said she had to go into the defense because Terry wanted to talk to her about something. Then she went and was gone for a few hours. When she returned, she said Terry had convinced her that he did what he did "because he loved me" and she said there was little money to pay as he offered to help pay even more of the bills we had. Then he brought him back to our home with us. For the first week or two, he was very polite, broke out the chairs for me when we sat down at the table and insisted that I buy myself at school so that he could kiss me every day to "let people know I was his. . "At this point I tried to convince myself, maybe he really made me love and that I should be proud and flattered that any 28-year-old would want me, a 14-year-old teenager girl.
Well, a few weeks ago, things had gone back as they were. My mom would go to work all night, and Terry would come back into my room at night, with a condom in his hand, and his steering wheel would return and start roaming up and down, up and down. The words he spoke made me sick. And every night was the same, I would be sick to cry to sleep because I could no longer respond to this in my age, and I should have fun at school, looking forward to my college years, dances, proms, sports events, etc. . But instead I wouldn't see a future at all. One day I had enough, and could no longer take it! I know my mom wanted and needed the money, but I couldn't even think I was okay anymore. I wasn't. I wanted to die. Yes, truly die! If it hadn't been for the Lord to set in my way a certain girl at school, which I soon became the best friend and my science artist, whom I will never forget and always be grateful for, I might end it there. But God obviously had other plans for me. Just when I thought he had left me alone, he gave me a friend and a man who was not only my teacher, but the one who knew me a lot, who knew I was going through a terrible home, waving my tragedy, increasing time I just couldn't focus on my tasks, and someone who could laugh at me. I needed it. It once again welcomed the hope that all people didn't just want me for sex. These older men were not all, and God had put him in my life, like my teacher, just in time.
Today, with the grace of God, forgiveness and compassion, I have forgiven my blood of the Lamb, Lord Jesus Himself. The one who died on this cross many years before so that I can live forever. He who let me out of the darkness and back into the light. Anyone who took away all the harm and distrust of humans. I thank God that although I had to suffer through these terrible times, I learned that it was not my fault that one boy had been battery-dead and died. This part of what these four men did to me as a child was my fault.
The man also says: "If this really happened to Kelly, I think I should protect her more." If this happened? IF?!?! There is no question that they did me! My sister once told her that she knows it to be a fact because she was often in the same bed with me, where we always managed to share a bedroom while growing up. I no longer expect my mother to always take responsibility for what I went through. I know now. I know I have to forgive her so that Christ can forgive me for my sins. But it is truly, and only through God's grace, that I am still here today. It is my prayer that perhaps only this testimony will help others who have gone through something similar or worse that there is hope in Jesus Christ. You're not alone. It is NOT teaching you. Give it to him, since his shoulder is strong enough to take it from you and let you walk freely in his love.
* People's names have been changed to protect those who were involved.