A partner or spouse of an active addict often has trouble trying to understand the substance of immature behavior and access to being fully involved in love and respect. There is no question that addicts are not as emotionally mature as their biological years would indicate.
Addicts are emotionally immature because their emotional growth was sustained or slow at the age of which they started drinking or using. For example, if someone started drinking or using the age of 15, then if they are 30 years of age or older, they are still drinking or using, they have a 15 year old emotional development. In addition, their immaturity is also compounded by the fact that a large number of addicts come from unscheduled homes where healthy relationships were not a model for addiction or other challenges.
I recently asked my wife to describe what I was like when I was an active addict. She said she could speak it in two words: emotionally inaccessible. I did not know that I had no emotional development in order to contribute to a healthy, mature, close relationship and I do not believe I was different from most addicts. As the disease of addictions develops, addicts will be removed emotionally and removed. We are too busy to be sick, sad, sorry and tired, or else busy with our unhealthy needs to be truly emotional free to those we love. Our energy, time and vitality are mostly absorbed by our drinking or usage and all that comes with it.
Emotionally inaccessible people can not fully commit themselves to being an equal partner in order to create a long-lasting, thorough, meaningful, intimate relationship. This is despite the fact that deep down is what they deserve most. Addicts are very manipulative so they can usually attract a spouse whenever they want. But when the courtroom has passed, they return to their concerns about the drug they choose and their lifestyle.
It is not unusual for me addicted to addicts to others outside the Union because ethical values like monogamy often get robbed of their addiction. Lifestyles are one of lies, deceit and defensiveness and it hurts people who love them most or who will love them the most. A statement that I always use with my loved ones is: "How do you know when the addict lies? Addiction is the most selfish disease known to man and is recognized as such, because the addict always wants what they want when they want it, as they want there and no other way, and they want it now or to hell with you.
The evolutionary signs that I have noticed with many addicts is that they want to be rebels and plan to go against the beach, just to be different or scary. It's a classic case of addicts who say something is black when we say it's white. These people are usually proud to be rebels.
Many addicts suffer deeply hated fear and anger issues that are usually related to the past and have a lot to do with confidence. Underlying angry issues get to live either prominently, outlined by the word m or physical violence or indirect attacks, as it simmers inside as silent frustration and often manifested as sarcasm and abusive humor. In both cases, drugs are treated wrath-clawed behavior that he or she considers acceptable.
In the early months of recovery, a lot of drug rage and frustration will likely bubble the surface and must be properly controlled … or there will be a strong likelihood of a fallback. That is, anger is just one letter away from danger (d-anger), and this is very true for the addict in recovery.
It has been found that when addicts have stopped using even for many years and they start to drink or use again, they quickly return to where they were emotional when they were used or even more . The disease is awakened and all the pain associated with drinking or use is forgotten, and they immediately return to the same way of thinking or working and in the same mental / emotional place they were in when they were used. This can happen even if people have worked on their emotional and personal growth during the years they arrested for drinking / use.
Becoming emotionally mature is a process that takes wisely time and effort. By working 12 steps and working with our Higher Power, we can learn to grow us up – learn to love ourselves, forgive, to work with honesty, honesty and integrity in touch, to express our inner feelings no longer be selfishness, being compassionate and showing compassion.
As for someone's partner in relation to active addiction, the best advice I have is to work on their own personal and mental growth plan and decide what to do.