The "I Need To Be In Control" Stress Hot Button
If you're happy and angry, anxious or revenge – again! – You probably have a stress-hot button labeled "I need to be in control".
What if not to do and what to do instead of stress:
1. If another person challenges your power and control – like disagreeing or openly disagree with you:
Dig in and make sure you're correct. Try to emotionally overpower or outmaneuver the other person. Raise your voice to make your score. Finally, the only winner will be an increase in blood pressure and stress pressure.
Instead of changing how you think and talk to yourself:
I can never really control how another person (even my child) thinks and talks. I might choose to agree or do it along the way, but I do not have to be right. I am willing to listen as a neutral, impartial observer. I am willing to be quiet and just look at this. When I listen and talk slowly, more creative solutions will come up.
2. If external conditions challenge your management level – like a traffic accident before, causing you to be an hour late:
Cuss. Get out of the car and stump impatiently. Worriedly unclear about how terrible it is that you lose your meeting. You will always come in a mental and emotional disarray, frustrated and stressed.
I do not like this (weather, traffic, disaster) at all, but the best I can do right now quiet and fully functional. I'm doing what I need to do to get help or be responsible (calls for saying I'm late, putting a helper button on a windshield, calling a fire or a police authority). I am conscious to relax and be awake so I can be safe and ready to participate in the reminder of the meeting. I'll get there when I get there. It will be all right.
3. If the internal conflict challenges your management level – like going for a diet, but gobbling chocolate.
Blame you for lack of power and betray yourself. Call your names. Refresh your battles with your will over what you will eat. By punishing you, you lock in the struggle between different parts yourself with different needs. Both parts lose and you are left in battle with a mountain of conflict and stress.
Instead, awareness of your internal discussion changes:
Okay, baby (or your nickname), we left. I forgive myself. Let's do the next thing. Let's look at what we needed when we ate chocolate! Do we need comfort? Reliability? Let us do this better, so we can work better together. I know you and I'm on the same side and want to take care of me.
When you receive what is happening (you do not have to imitate it!) When you follow compassion and speak clearly to yourself, change your ideology. This calls for positive emotions such as relief and relaxation instead of negative, stress-sensitive disorder. Use this example to blend creative thinking about unique stress-free buttons and you'll soon be on the move with the next steps for healthy stress.