Say you have a desire to talk to an attractive woman on a bar. But he does not approach her because he is anxious and fearful to be denied or treated like he was annoyed. He gets a sense of lack, the feeling that he lacks something he needs to cope with this situation! What does he need? He needs to feel more relaxed and safe so that he can approach the woman and feel comfortable if he rejected or rejected her! (He can only be unclear or unaware that this is what he needs!)
What can he do to cope with his feelings of nervousness and fear? He could just avoid approaching a woman's altar (who still would not get him what he needed). Instead, he begins to drink alcohol until the intensity of his feelings has changed in the sense that he feels less terrible and chemically causing self-esteem! Now he can approach the woman. If she rejects him, he can say that he does not care, or is a bitch or dike or something that makes him feel good about himself!
He participates in this behavior every time this condition occurs until it becomes an addictive behavioral pattern! Now he can not approach an attractive woman at a bar or party unless he is up or drunk! Instead of learning how to become more secure about himself and regardless of whether or not a particular woman rejects him, he learned to prevent addiction to fulfill his real needs! This is one example of how this process can take place!
20 year old woman, still living at home with mom and dad. Mom and dad are highly protective and do not allow them a lot of room to express their uniqueness or feelings of anger or frustration that she may be feeling! She is doing just what she wants, because she was a child, has always had a blow for being a good girl (obedient) and does not cause many problems for mom and dad.
But since she went to adolescence she looks more like she needs her own space, her own identity! But of respect for their parents and to prevent feelings of guilt, she does not feel about her feelings. She keeps them inside ———- She finds more and more frustrated! Her constant feelings of frustration turn to anger then frustration! As frustration and anger grows up, she promises more alien and fearful that she can explode in her anger for Mom and Dad, one of these days!
What does she not have to meet? Need to be emotionally independent of their parents, so she can feel comfortable softening their feelings instead of flooding them inside themselves! But instead of learning to fulfill it, she needs binges on alcohol instead! She experiences chemically self-assured and more in touch with her feelings!
One day after she has hugged her feelings unexpectedly, mom and dad! The whole backlash of anger, frustration and frustration she has worn is pouring out and she feels a sense of relief and pleasure! But when she turns up and realizes what she has done, she feels guilty and embarrassing! She asks her parents for forgiveness! And swear she'll never do it again!
Then she begins to determine her anger and dissatisfaction again extremely! To experience some relief from pressure and anxiety to hold on to her feelings, she gradually begins to drink secretly and the process continues and repeats herself again! Every time she repeats this process, the pressure will be anxious to flow up her feelings more and more! She drinks more often! Now the only time she feels normal, as she can be herself, as she can her verbal feelings, is when she buzzed up or drunk!
I think there are overwhelming evidence that her behavior is in return for fulfilling her true needs! What do you think?
May the light never stop relieving your mind!
Copyright 2006 El-Veasey Publishing Inc.