1. Put your trust in your God. The universe is controlled by divine power. Rely on the power of prayer and listen to the answers. With the marriage, I asked for the grant to go through very difficult times. Do not be an addict myself, I can not understand putting chemical in my body and holding the material in a more important place than my family. I just do not get it but at the end, if your spouse will not look for professional help with drugs and alcohol, then it's probably time to go. I was so afraid and I felt I had no chance but to defend myself (and the children). At the beginning, I was stupid (I still) that he would choose medicine over us, his family, but that was his choice. Although I can not control his choice, I influence his choice and I can control how I will respond to these options. So I pray … a lot.
2. Get Legal Advice – Know something a drug addict says, no matter how clean it looks like face value, is driven by the drugs. Whether the discussion is about the kids or the money do not count on anything that an addict says. A professional told me that when you're divorcing drugs, you have to face the fact that drug abuse is in love! You (and kids, if children are) are no longer the main focus of a drug / alcohol spouse. Collaboration with the drugs is very difficult for the spouse to "fight". (My friend went through divorce to a long-lasting "cheater", she felt my situation was easier. Go – it's gone!) So, unfortunately, you must have a legal presentation unless the addict is willing to list everything over and just walk away. If your spouse is ready to "give" you everything, you should still have a lawyer and sometimes an accountant review and advise you on short-term, long-term and / or tax consequences. View friends or go online and get redirects from chat rooms, web addresses, or even Twitter can guide you to websites to help you do some research, but ultimately get professional advice.
3. Get support from friends. Divorce is emotionally discharged. Usually your friends and families do not want to hear it, but it's very important to have someone ready to listen and offer support. Not guidance, just support.
4. Get treatment. If you can afford to visit a physiotherapist, I recommend that you do it. A skilled professional can help you understand the internal health effects of drugs / alcohol consumption. AND, whether you want to hear it or not, at some level you have some responsibility for all this. A therapist can help you see areas where you need to get this crisis. There are studies now that have revealed that people with drugs have genes that can be identified. You may have to deal with the fact that you were "constructive". Finally, responsibility for addiction is exclusively on the addict's shoulders. Without of course, you were the one who held your partner down and liked the negative drugs in his body.
5. Blog. If you live in a sphere, since you do not have friends, family and treatments, I would recommend that you blog or at least a diary. Even if you have friends and family, this support system will first be tired of hearing about your anger and hurt and secondly, your friends and family can not know how to support you if they have not gone through it. It's one thing to have friends and family who can support you in divorce, but understanding drugs is not like going through a "normal" "incompatible difference" divorce. Go online and find others fighting the same dragons, find chat rooms and forums that can give you instructions on finding lawyers and doctors etc. in your area of the country. It will give you a chance to mess with someone who understands and you can compare horror stories, which trust me, may be quite fun over time. Maybe even funny.
6. Protect your credit. Any dispute will cause interference with credit and especially today with current economic conditions and identity theft issues, it will be even more important to protect your identity and credit. This is not just directed to an outside person, your spouse could try to hear your self-esteem, not just for self-serving practices, but sometimes, as it was in my case, an attempt to harm you. In divorce, both parties have the potential (and motivation) to cause another harm. credit. Horror stories said a lot about credit problems for an angry spouse – like ….. running credit cards in the marriage and walking away. Receive a monthly fee service that will monitor your credit rating and advise you by email if there are any changes in your credit rating.
7. Set up your new separate identifier. If there is no time now, it will be soon. There is no time like the present time, starting with your own name and identity. Start acknowledging yourself as you. Especially apart from your self-esteem as a spouse, if others acknowledge you as a single person, you will help you find more power. Think about returning to your name.
8. Take your time Decisions made now, but not laid in stone, are important and will affect. Whether you decide to move to a new home or city, whether you choose one lawyer over another. All of these decisions are important. So, make your choice wisely and get information as well as you can. Take advice from all and all the sources you can, but remember that you are the one who needs to live with the long-term effects of the choices. So make your choices and decisions wisely!
9. Do not take friends. All that is said in number 8, acknowledged that you should not take advice from friends who "put in a rock". Take your input, weighted out, balance it with information from searching online but just knowing that your friends are biased. Unless your friends are trained professionals, and even then, while their input may be ideal, it can be totally wrong for the situation and they could be biased. Take all inputs and use what works in unique situations.
10. Insurance. Make sure all your insurance is updated. Medical, vehicle, home, life. In my circumstances, for some reason (I assume his process was cloudy by using the drug / alcohol), the car insurance was not paid and we were driving for many months without car insurance. In my state, it is illegal and it was announced to the state and it opened a second worm of worms, which caused further damage to my credit. So take responsibility and make sure all your insurance policies are current.
11. Your finances. Your finances are a very serious part of divorce. If possible, I would recommend that you should unplug by making money aside for divorce if things get ugly. You will at least have access to some cash to see you through some difficult roads ahead. Money should always be more than money out, but especially important in divorce. Work hard to keep credit cards in order. Continue, if possible, to add your savings plan every month. You should really be aware of tax consequences and long-term effects – things that your lawyer may not have expertise in. Work with an accountant or divorce who organizes a financial analyst. You always see 20/20 is how the saying goes in and looks back I realize that my marriage was a single pay and knocked the other one. In the marriage, I thought it was a great idea. Already, when he closed the bank accounts and took all the money, I realized that such a good idea was not. Get an accountant.
12. Look for yourself. The road ahead will be taxed and probably tricky, depending on how much time / emotional investment you made in your marriage. Take the time to relax, do whatever it takes to bring you "time". Go for a walk, play cards, ride horses, yoga, read, play the piano, it's important to find time to experience what causes stress. Stress can be difficult to control at any time in your life, but especially in divorce. The point is that divorce can eat you if you drop it. So take time to take time for you. Make sure you still have your hair, your nails, pamper yourself and just know, it does not matter what somebody else may tell you – you're worth it. Looking at yourself strengthens your vitality, your decision and your decision.
At the beginning of the end (or beginning of the beginning), I saw "A Nightmare of a Black Woman, I Watched" Enough ", I watched" sleep with the enemy "and while I knew some of these movies in marriage, more than something that I knew that the common factor is certain "system" emotions that run out for their approval and resolution. In all, the desire to "hate" drives – always when you come to the conclusion that these negative feelings burn more of the same – getting attraction – it's healthier (not easier than healthier) to let it go. Attraction attraction is very clear, whatever you emphasize – whatever you think about you will bring more into your life.
Drugs and alcoholics do not do drugs and alcohol because of something you've done, they do drugs and alcohol because something's going on in your own reality. Get upset Every time I opened the mail a brochure to give me drugs without a prescription ion – somehow I could easily click on the delete button. I can not say the same to everyone – otherwise these websites will not survive. You give yourself too much credit if you think you have something to do by turning your spouse into an addict. At some level, even the addict can not control the behavior. Hopefully, at some point, the addict will realize and provide professional help that helps them heal.
I have been told by a pharmacist that another fine I will realize that the drug addict will tell you they have recovered. This was certainly the case in my personal story. Most drugs can not be managed by the addict who goes "cold turkey" on his own. Typically, these drugs will be "poisonous" from the body with other medicines and treatment cycles, and can not be done in an impatient way. When an addict has "recovered" the person's life will "be forever" forever. What addiction, gambling, drinking, drugs, on and on the list goes …… when the addiction has been "bought" it will always be a challenge and one addiction can be exchanged for others! It is very important that drugs be treated with professional accreditation under administrator settings.
So, let it go – do not take your personal preferences, and as hard as it may seem, let them go … and pray for them.
I'm not professional, I urge you to seek advice from reputable professionals to help you make important decisions.