The call to action Mahatma Gandhi suggested when he said, "Be the change you want to see in the world" is inspiring and uplifting, but how do we actually do it? Does it mean that we need to change our entire lives and become a peaceful activist like Gandhi? Or are smaller actions equally equivalent to being considered as a change? How anyone decides to be this change can, and will be, as different as snowflakes. There will not be two identical.
Another thing I like to see is through Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, saying: "Let all sweep in front of your own door and the whole world will be clean." This reminds us that the most important place to start doing something is with ourselves. It does not matter if our neighbor does not recycle or chooses to abuse his body with medicines and alcohol. What matters is if we are doing the same or worse. We can not control our neighbor, but we can control ourselves (and if you say you can not control yourself, you promise to be able.) I thought I could not, but I was wrong. .)
Final show of long run Oprah Winfrey Show moved recently. Oprah shared many things she had learned through these years. One of these items clearly reflects Gandhi and Goethe's words. Oprah is reflected in the behavior of the guests during the early years of the exhibition. These visitors often had something in common: They usually discussed how someone in their immediate family, former spouse or former spouse, or possibly possibly the best friend, had ruined their lives in some way. An unpleasant visitor was often on the show to find out a shocking fact, as a friend of the guest had an affair with his husband. Support and drama seemed to rule on the choice of visitors to come.
These people were looking for all their problems. Oprah said at the end of her: "Here's what I learned of all, but do not do it anymore: None but you're responsible for your life." I know from personal experience how hard it is to look at & # 39; mirror line & # 39; and realize that I myself is a real source of all my problems. Having someone else take responsibility for your life is much easier than taking responsibility for yourself. It's easier to keep a picture of yourself that's untouched; You're still a cruel friend or spouse because there was another who hurt you (I could not do any damage!) (It may also be known to go to the buck "# 39;)  But when you take an honest look in the mirror is difficult, it's also incredibly liberating. It's liberating because once you can recognize the habit for yourself, you can start to find where and how it happens and you can start taking the necessary steps to transform yourself. Imagine moments is the best ice skating in the world that stands in front of you, pulling back the bow, allowing the arrow to fly, and getting a perfect bonnet, now the shooter is blindfolded. Give her a bow and arrow and ask her to Shoot again. Will she get a bull eye? No. Archer will be lucky to reach the goal. Like the forest, we do not know what we want to change without we can see Looking at the mirror is the way we can hit the bull.
A good location to check if you are teaching external sources for your problems is to view statements you make about circumstances. Here are three slices of my inner discussion that I saw in the mirror: He was offensive; I was a victim. I'm not teaching that I did not talk to her about her behavior; It was never a good time. I tried to get a job, but that was not enough.
When I went blindfolded and watched my internal conversation again, I was surprised by what I discovered. My first statement was, & # 39; He was offensive; I was a victim. & # 39; I realized that I had chosen to be in an offensive position and that by staying I agreed that abuse continued. In my situation, I helped in the mirror to agree that a responsibility that I had not taken was my role in the abuse: I had not pointed out the abusive behavior of the attacker but I chose to play the silent victim; I had not asked for help or even tried to find out what help was available; Finally, for a long time, I decided to stay in touch and suffer when it could have been done.
Accepting that I had not done any work to change the situation in any way, and that I had allowed myself to abuse, was very difficult to accept myself. With a gentle job, I could take on my own responsibility and more, forgive me for what I had put through. [If you are in an abusive relationship I encourage you to reach out. There are people waiting to help you.]
My second statement was, "I'm not teaching that I did not talk to her about her behavior: it was never a good time." The truth I had to accept is that this was no excuse My friend and I had suggested a behavioral pattern that hurt our relationship. We agreed to give feedback to each other when this pattern took place to help each other change. I was excited because of the deep fear of collisions I was avoiding. made an excuse because I was afraid she would be angry with me to point out her personality, "which can lead to the end of friendship.
Instead of believing in the strength of friendship, reinforced by the agreement we had made to give each other a response, I apologized for covering my own fears and activity. What I saw in the mirror was that by continuing to close the agreement, I would have let my friend fall by not helping her to herself when she had asked me about it. I had also let myself down by allowing unruly command of my behavior that strengthened what this fear had on me. This enabled me to work on my fear of collisions, and slowly and safely to speak in what circumstances I existed or existed.
My final topic of internal dialogue was, & # 39; I tried to get a job, but it was not enough time. In reality, at that point in my life when these talks were the most common, I worked from home and had a habit of doing fun things first and then working later. Being a morning person, I get up at 5:30, but instead of working in the morning when I was fresh I would often go out for coffee with friends or spend the day in the yard and start working later in the day. This led me to work late in the night to get everything done, which then affected my quality of work the next day. What a snowball effect!
What I saw in the mirror was the need to hold me responsible for how I achieved my time and priority I gave my responsibility (oh how the word made me cold again). When I acknowledged that I was only responsible for producing work for work because of the program, I went through some systems to find one that would balance my work with entertainment. I finally settled on, and committed to, normal working hours starting in the morning with certain hours aside for fun later in the day.
I put those three practices that I still have: I do not answer the phone and my personal email is turned off while I work and I assume my tasks. If I have my email, I will not be tempted to check it every five minutes, or are you going to read some backlog. Before I started answering my phone, I told friends to please leave a message during my working hours and # 39; and I will call them again later (the call allows me to take a job). After a few complaints everyone came on board and many started doing it yourself!
For temporary tasks, I write the start and end time in the journal diary. That way, I can see how long I've worked before i paused or if I've taken too many breaks.
In the days when I'm struggling to concentrate (or just being separated from my table), I put the kitchen sink for 30 minutes and can not stop working on a task for me until the clock rings. I keep the trash can be a good idea to shed a quick note of something that is not related to a project that appears in my mind for later.
These are just three examples of how I found myself teaching others about the problems I had in my life. Were they easy to look at and take responsibility for? No. Is it earning to go through this process worth it? Every minute. Do I still need to teach others in a different way? Now and now I do, though I often get to myself as the thought is the original formation and can look back and see where I avoid responsibility.
Self-improvement is an ongoing process. Being gentle with yourself and being awake are the key. I invite you to reflect again at the end of each day next week. What conditions did you find in? Were there a negative situation? What did your internal receiver say (or still say)? Also, consider at least one condition in the past that still causes strong negative feelings such as anger, disappointment, shame or fear. What is your internal dialogue under these circumstances? Do you avoid responsibility? Where and how? What changes can you make in your life today that you learned from that situation?
Remember that the change can simply be in how you choose to respond or think of someone, it does not have to be obvious to everyone except you.