Alcoholics / addicts do not usually live in alcoholic and alcoholic circles. Most people who suffer from drugs have many people in their lives that affect the addiction. Even alcoholics and drugs that are extinct from one another, whether their spouses or parents, or their children's siblings, affect the lives of those who love them. When it's addiction to your family, it's important to get help even if you're not the addict.
One of the reasons why it is necessary for all homes to get support and services is the systematic nature of families. In the system, each component affects and is affected by all things. Changes in one part (person) system affect the entire system in a number of ways.
When I teach family images addiction and recovery and explain how family systems can work to help or prevent alcohol / addict recovery, I will use mobile phones to illuminate. Imagine if you want a mobile phone with two grandmother generation figures at the top, two parents on a tier and three kids on a third tier, that dog and cat on the bottom classes. This mobile is hanging from the ceiling. It has a normal balance, or balance, with it.
Now imagine the weight that can be applied to one of the parent numbers (it does not matter which one). As the load is applied, all numbers on the mobile phone are configured and adapted to accommodate the change of the changed parent. It flops around a bit when weight is applied. Once installed, the mobile phone has adjusted a new balance or balance.
Imagine now that the parent movie with the weight (or addiction) has suddenly removed the weight. All parts of the system will float around to try to restore balance. This is what happens in the family. Each part of the system affects each other, even during recovery. Since the relatives of an addict change his or her own behavior to address drug change, each family member is changing their deceptive qualities and practices.
Following a living, the essence of family relations changes. An unmarried spouse often takes more and more responsibility and role within the family. Marriage that was once the relationship between equality can change to another concern or "parent" on the other. The power of the union lifts.
As addiction adds to the addiction, so do the family the dynamics of addiction. The course with these changes is predictable. The rules within the system change as the members always restructure without an addict. Alcoholists / addicts may still be physically present, but can become emotionally absent and withdrawn from the family. Significant others often risk trying to participate in drugs again and begin to continue life without him / her. These behavioral changes change the organization and function of the system, in the same process as addiction changes the system.
When the alcoholist / addict expires, this means another change of the system. Family members may not know what to do with this change. As alcohol / addicts try to restore full activity in different areas of their lives, family members who have changed to adapt to addiction can withstand counterbalanced changes that need recovery. The "parent" spouse can resist giving up the need for the parent spouse. They may oppose the thought of alcoholics who accept the responsibility abandoned in addiction or can still see the addict as "incompetent" and "unsafe". And indeed, it's a solid relationship feature that takes a long time to come back.
A spouse who has taken more and more of the duties the addict has left can be deeply invested in being "responsible man" or "good parent" and might need "incompetent one" or "bad parent" to shape their role in the system. Families can resist recovery of addictions in many ways. Wives (and children) can even say, "I liked you in the rock / drunk."
Often, loved ones are like alcohol / addict as they are, with the exception of improper, unpredictable behavior and the usual negative consequences of their addiction. They may share alcohol and drugs ideas that all they need is to lose addiction and everything else in their lives will be fine. Alcohol / drugs and their family members can proceed to the announcement that they can learn to drink without natural negative consequences related to it.
Family systems usually contain more than one alcohol / addict. In fact, there are usually laws about addiction in families. Often there are two alcohol spouses. Sometimes the addiction goes further than one spouse that it is obvious that this spouse adds when the addiction of the spouses is not so obvious. With many family addicts, there were many family institutions, roles and rules that would tend to promote continued use of alcohol or other drugs. A typical example would be family celebrations that continue to take alcohol.
On the other hand, family members have often hoped that sober alcoholics will be in those who the family always wanted them to be. It is very common for family members to refer to many uncontrollable personality or behavior of the drugs as "addiction" and believe that if the addict is not present then the addict will have the true self. Although many family members see a sample of wonderful addictions during the honeymoon, persistent personality and behavioral changes occur over time.
Thus, the addict is recovering from the expectations of his family members, whether the family assumes that he / she is the miracle of being the one they always wanted when the subject is absent from their lives or anywhere. They expect the addict to be the same , but without drugs. Recovering the addict often has trouble trying to find out where they fit the family, how they feel about other family members and how to be clean and sober within the resistance of expectations. However, it is always useful for everyone to remember that each recovery is responsible for their own recovery.