Training is a self-directed process. When I think of being self-governing, I have a picture of people driving a car. The driver knows where he starts and where he wants to finish. Even if he did not have a predetermined destination, he was still responsible for every spin he took, car maintenance and a decision on what to do with unexpected accidents. There's no "i did not drive the car" excuses when you're the driver.
Your coach does not give you directions or sets him goals or destiny. You must specify where point north. You say where you want to go with your life and a coach will be there to support this self-directed process. Here's why.
Major authors in the field of self-development have spent the last few decades reiterating that only five out of every hundred people are self-governing. The same authors suggest that this is the reason why most people do not really feel and teach situations, problems or other people about how life is going on. It seems that only a small part of the public ends where they are going to be and survive fullness, meaning and great satisfaction.
According to this assertion, the 95% of the population is outside. This means we have a large number of people who work because they do not have to because they choose it. To give you a brief description of your external managers, they tend to …
- Think and behave with the crowds, go wherever everyone else goes. It is only later that they contemplate how they first came instead.
- Survive the standards that the environment, their group, or their business code behaves. (?)
- Explain life by using "this is how things are" cards.
- Accept their beliefs from the environment without their reasoning or questions.
- Need a prize from their environment to move them.
- Blame their disappointment on external factors: stock market, sickness, destiny, god, bad luck, wrong partner, their boss, the past, the future or the flying spaghetti monster. (Note: External managers can also believe that their performance is a result of "luck.")
- Say that life should evolve differently and grow frustration because things do not work for their benefit. They are under the influence of circumstances, not because of it.
- Be experts about why the world is out of control, and develop a sense of learning helplessness.
However, you have this rare person who is self-governing. This person wakes up in the morning and believes he is the master of his own destiny. He or she invites to …
- Know where he or she is going. Destination has been chosen consciously.
- Sets his own standards under any circumstances.
- Explains life with "this is what my belief in things is" cards. Your self-esteemed neighbor agrees with his beliefs from the environment, but formulates them with self-awareness, good reading, reassessment, truthfulness and real-life testing.
- Is motivated internally. He has his own reasons to find out where he wants to go. He finds his own award when he gets there, and nobody has to praise him for his achievements. External prizes and approval are only added to bonuses.
- Takes responsibility for circumstances, surprises or problems along the way. There is no blame for the world, there is no whining nor a complaint. (Note: self-directed man develops gratitude for his "luck" and sense of ownership towards his "happiness").
- Developing a sense of purpose and meaning.
- Did not want life to be different than it does. The boss should not be better than he is and the sky should not be more blue than it is. Instead, the self-employed person seeks challenges and opportunities to shape their circumstances, opinions, behaviors and inner attitudes to learn something and manage the situation to an adequate end.
After this brief description, I do not think I have to sell you on "what's the best" ploy. On the one hand, it is easier and convenient to be external directly. It's easy and fun to be a child forever. It's a sweet security that comes from believing that something or someone else is responsible for life and should take care of us. It's a calm that comes from knowing somebody's or something else to blame. On the other hand, I think it is very difficult to live the weakness of life, to fall into a trap, that it is not for us to "make life" to change things to improve conditions. It's really hard to live frustration in life because it did not give us what we wanted, or because it took away what we value. Being a foreign minister understands us weak, sad, cynical, tired, goalless and spiritual. And it's a high price to pay.
So let me sell you to be self-directed (if you're reading this website I do not think there's a lot to sell to do, anyway). On the one hand, the self-defense is strong. You look into the mirror and need to take responsibility for what you look like. You look at your heart and need to take responsibility for your feelings, your frustration, your dreams and your hopes. You look into your mind and need to take responsibility for your values and beliefs. You're facing a challenge and you need to answer yourself how you got there, what things you're playing and what you're going to do about it. It's a tough, continuous, endless work. The good news is … it pays off: you get a sense of purpose, your goals begin to become clearer, you become more and more aware of your value and you start making your life artwork. Finally, you shape yourself, conquer your habits and grow informed and mature … Free.
Being self-governing requires that the pavement is not taken. If you have never fallen this way before, it will take training, new thinking, courage and enough self-awareness, which is the beginning of Immanuel Kant's enlightenment: "Enlightenment is a man & His advent from his self-endlessness. Infinity is the inability to use understanding people without instructions from others. "
Being self-governing means playing with your own book. When you set your own goals and standards, you must of course set your own songs. There will be behaviors that will be good for some, but not for you anymore. There will be success levels that will be okay for some but not for you anymore. That's why our friend Kant says that "free peace must work according to the law it gives itself."
Most people believe that freedom comes when there are no restrictions. In contrast, performance studies, along with philosophical and spiritual teachings, show us the time and time that we understand the freedom when we can set our rules and play them. Living without rules and no standard understands us without control of our own destiny. We start to feel like a ship without a robber, a captain or a crew. It matters confusion, no choice. Freedom begins by naming the game and choosing what you say YES and NO in your world.
So enough theory. How do you and your coach give it to this self-guided movie?
1. Stop blaming, stop complaining. Take responsibility. This also means ceasing to blame yourself, stop complaining about yourself. Take responsibility.
2. Now you have taken responsibility for your entire life. If we were to work together in a context of online life training, I would ask you to mention what living conditions or challenges you want to work at the start. Yes, there may be plenty of areas in your life that you want to work on, but you want to take it one step at a time.
3. Once you have chosen the situation or challenge to take responsibility, you should answer the following questions:
- Why do I want to be responsible for this situation?
- Who have I been to here to get this situation?
- What part of me plays a role in being here?
- What do I think about this situation?
- What about this situation is, at some level, convenient or useful to me?
- What is the result I want for this situation? Why?
- Who do I need to become the car in the desired destination?
- What value do I honor by taking this condition for my income?
- What do I need to believe in taking this situation in the relevant income?
- What actions can I take now that would start me on my way to solving this situation?
- What is the plan?
- Who can I trust for support and responsibility?
- Am I committed?
- If not, what should happen to me to be committed? How much pain am I prepared to endure and how long until I take responsibility for this situation? What awards are waiting for me when I've solved this situation?
I guarantee to answer these questions yourself, with friends or with your coach, will begin to shed light on what you can do to be self-governing, take responsibility and continue in any particular situation .
Let me offer you a guarantee of your life, your whole life. The world needs autonomous people, people who can think of themselves, people who give their best, people who develop talent and attitudes of masters, people who will serve as a model for our inspiration. The world needs a rare hero that allows us to take life to the next level and give something of ourselves.